Im really not a heart to heart-writer at all, but today I am going to write about this day, it has been like an endless lonely feeling kind of day. It's a matter of how you view things and today it seems just like everyone, friends and family are far away, even my man.
And when everyone else is somewhere else, it feels I'm in the wrong place of course, this way of thinking is what human nature is, we want to be where the people we want to be with are. When things are like this I start to think heavy things, and I don't like to think heavy things.I start thinking about future, my future family and my family in Sweden.
Stuff changes so fast. Within a month things can be totally different, living a different type of life. Countries, cities, jobs, people we spend time with, health and social habits, material things come and go, the only thing that really stays are ourselfs. It's not even for sure you get to keep the family you grew up with. It's not for sure you are going to be healthy or be with your boyfriend and girlfriend or keep that nice car you just bought. All changes are not negative, you might get rid of that car for an even better one, all I was saying is that nothing is permanent, it changes.
I've done all kinds of changes and gone thru times and periods of changes so many times I wish it could just be set now, and I could find some comfort in pursuing things that matter. I guess we will see in the beginning of next year.Yeah then it goes on.. I got to bed with all kinds of mixed emotions, but usually wake up and everything feels better. Enough of this blahhh blahhh.. I don't even like talking about it, I just wish some things were easier.
It also turns out Chris' dates for Christmas are different than mine, my parents has booked a place in the mountains for different dates and it all seems like a hazzle to me.
I spoke to my halfsister, who is a lovely person, and we spoke about our father who is not in our lives since a long time ago, like we talk about every time. I don't really think about it as much, I guess maybe it left a bigger heartbreak in her life when he left. And of course, it is sad that a man left his children behind like that we also have an older brother, who I think is most troubled by this, he just does'nt want to talk much. But what can you do, everything is not fair, you get what you get and move on. I really wish no one was sad tho. It was good to talk to her otherwise, I wish I had time to go see her, it's been way too long.
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the God and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
This is all emotional stuff and I don't even like that. But this is my blog and it is a little bit of everything so HA!
Besides from that, I'm just not feeling it, I wish I had the means to do things, clean, organize and fix with things, that always helps, but I am so tired.
A start list for myself as a guide to get me moving:
- Call Glen Burnie for my Passport
- Go pick up giftcard from Salon Cielo
- My bookshelf
- Clean out the old stuff from the closet, getting crowded in there..
- Address change
- Elvis cards from Memphis, needs sent
- Tickets to Sweden
- Buy international phone card
- Order new bedset?
- Search for apartments
- Organize files on laptop
- Watch the photography DVD.
All right, good night peoplesss.